You Can’t Self-Help Your Way Into Belonging
Why women don’t need more regulation, they need community.
Last night was incredibly special.
The kind of night you know you’ll remember years from now.
The kind that shifts something quietly but permanently inside you.
I had the honour of hosting the very first opening ceremony of The Sovereign Seasons™.
Thirteen women gathered.
Women choosing to show up without performance.
Without perfection.
Without pretending they had it all together.
And what unfolded was simple.
We told the truth.
Not the polished truth.
Not the processed truth.
Not the “I’ve already learned the lesson” truth.
The raw one.
Grief.
Sadness.
Loss.
Anger.
Resentment.
Disgust.
Fear.
The heaviness of relationships that drained us.
The ache of years invested in something one-sided.
The rage of abandoning ourselves to keep the peace.
The exhaustion of being “the strong one.”
There was a season in my life where I was obsessed with collecting tools.
Breathwork to calm myself.
Mindset shifts to override emotion.
Somatic hacks to regulate faster.
Spiritual language to reframe the pain.
And while tools can be beautiful, here is what I now know, with every fibre of my being:
We don’t need more strategies to bypass our feelings.
We need spaces where we can name them.
We need curiosity instead of correction.
We need to be witnessed in our anger without being told to soften it.
We need to be seen in our grief without being rushed toward gratitude.
There is something profoundly healing about saying:
“I am angry about the years I lost.”
“I feel betrayed.”
“I feel foolish.”
“I feel sad.”
And having other women respond not with advice… but with recognition.
Last night, by popular demand, we incorporated a rage release ceremony using fire, a white fire limpia to transmute heavy emotion.
We wrote what we were ready to release.
We circled the words that felt hottest.
We fed them to the flame.
What happened next wasn’t dramatic.
It was embodied.
Relief.
Tears flowing.
Memories honoured.
Clarity landing in the body.
No one was trying to fix anything.
We were letting something move.
Afterward, one woman messaged me saying she already felt a deep sense of belonging. That she could feel herself stepping into healing in community, grateful to walk alongside women choosing this work at the start of such a meaningful year.
Belonging.
That word lands deeply in me.
Because so many of us, especially women who have survived trauma, betrayal, addiction, estrangement, high-control systems, struggle to trust other women.
We know how vulnerable it feels to show up open.
To let ourselves be seen in the mess.
To risk being misunderstood.
But here’s the truth:
Sovereignty is not emotional self-sufficiency.
It is truth in community.
Yesterday morning in meditation, as I sat with my ancestors and guides, I felt a nudge to connect with one of my favourite oracle card decks, Elder Animals by Asha Frost. I asked what animal medicine was I being invited to claim in order to thrive...
I pulled Elder Canada Goose: Invest in Community.
I burst into tears, it was such a clear, aligned and deeply validating message.
Geese migrate together.
They rotate leadership.
They honk encouragement.
When one falls behind, two stay with her.
They thrive because they move in formation.
That is what we are building.
Not hustle culture.
Not hierarchy.
Not spiritual bypassing.
But formation.
A circle where grief sits next to joy.
Where rage sits next to tenderness.
Where rest is honoured.
Where blooming is allowed.
Last night wasn’t just the beginning of a series.
It was the beginning of a formation.
And I am deeply, humbly, overwhelmingly grateful to be flying in it.
—
If you’ve been trying to “regulate” your way through something that actually needs witnessing…
I’m curious:
When was the last time you were held in your truth, without being fixed?